420 ftw
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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