you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
