Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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