in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
