is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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