I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
