last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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