peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
