I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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