Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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