i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
