who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
