WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
