I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
