but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
