Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
