Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I am available for nakedness
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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