so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
