Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
