he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
