sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
