The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
