hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
