Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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