I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
