i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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