So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Did I show you my penis last night?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
