just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize