some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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