What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
