Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
