i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
