Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize