You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
