I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
