My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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