i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You did what with his pubic hair?
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