Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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