I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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