Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
