i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
be right there i have to get my cape
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I know her cup size but not her name....
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
