Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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