why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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