Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
