He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My pussy is not your playground.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
