I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You pole danced in your parka.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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