Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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