but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
