I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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