it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
