And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
