new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
