is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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