I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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