Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
