If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
