I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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