I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
