his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
