dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
