Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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