This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
