I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
