we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
