i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize