Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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