i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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