I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
