so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The police scanner is talking about you again....
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
